i get knocked down, but I get up again…j/k, i’m staying down. WTF, MATES??

why, chumbawumba, why???

just kidding. i wasn’t too broken up about chumbawumba breaking up. actually, when i heard this so-called news, my initial thought was ‘…chumbawumba is still a band?’

but there are some bands who should never. NEVER. break up. EVER.

…but they do.

and they break my little emo fucking heart.

it all started back in 1994, when a tiny little band called new kids on the block disbanded, shattering my dreams of one day being pulled on stage by donnie and serenaded.
when i was 5, my sister, cousin and friend went to see nkotb live. i was so fucking jealous. you know what i did that night?

i’ll tell you.

as some pathetic kind of consolation, my dad took me to see the little mermaid in theaters.
don’t get me wrong, i like ariel as much as the next guy. but who cares? no big deal. i want moooooooooooooore!

you tell ’em, hipster ariel.

i cried the whole time. they were seeing jordan knight do that thing with his hat, and i was watching a hermit crab sing.

and then they broke up. fuckmylife.

then, one fateful day in 1998, geri halliwell annouced she was leaving the spice girls.
yeah. that’s right. i loved the spice girls. i really really really wanted to zigga-zig ah. all fucking day.

backstreet boys also really did a number on me. but i did get to see them live. fuck yeah.

quit playing games with MY heart, nick!

in 2002, i met some boys in a band called bayside. they later did a split cd with name taken.
name taken was an amazing fucking band.
they even inspired one of my other favorite band’s name – panic! at the disco.
they put out one le-fuckin-git record after the split ep and called it quits.
bastards!

at the drive-in.

the nightmare scenario.

fuck! all of these little pieces of my heart, just chipping away…

fast forward to 2012.

thrice decides to ‘take a break’. we all know what that fucking means.
no one ever just ‘takes a break’. when you say ‘let’s take a break’, we all know you really mean ‘this relationship is over, but i’m being nice’.

thrice was one of those bands that never let me down. with every album, you could witness their evolution and growth as a band, as artists, as people…it was beautiful. it was brilliant. it was sacrosanct.

and then it was over.

i am moved by music constantly.
i am moved to tears, often.
but that show during their farewell tour… only fucking time i had ever cried at a show. and i cry all the fucking time! at everything!

it was an unforgettable moment, and i’m so thankful i got to be there for it.

alas, we’ve now reached the inspiration for this post (which isn’t a very good one, i’m aware):

UNDEROATH.

this band. this fucking band.

let me just say…i have gone to three different shows, to see this band…and have NEVER SEEN THEM.

it’s like the universe just didn’t want me to see them because it knew my brain would explode.

it was my life’s goal to see this band live.

…and two days ago, i found out they have officially disbanded. WHAT THEFUCK.

i did read that they are planning a farewell tour.
so that’s good. i will be there. i don’t even care if i have to fly to fucking europe, i will attend ONE of these shows. and actually see them play.

and i get it, i really do. sometimes you’ve just done all you can as a band. sometimes you just want to get off the road and spend time with your family. sometimes you make a masterpiece and can never top it, so continuing to make decent-but-not-brilliant albums seems pointless. i get it.

but man…i just wasn’t ready for this.

can the bands i love PLEASE stop breaking the fuck up??? FUCK!

cool/uncool… WTF, MATE??

you know what i can’t stand?

music snobs.

you know the type.

anything that has ever been played on any radio station is SOOOOO not cool enough for them.

they find the most random, obscure bands to listen to.. and i don’t even think they actually care if the music is good or not, they just like them because nobody else does. they’re just so fucking hip like that.

and they always have something to say about the bands you like, don’t they?

‘oh, they totally sold out’ ….shut the fuck up.

i love it when bands ‘sell out’ because they got popular. or because they got signed to a major record label. or because their songs start getting radio play.

sorry dude, but isn’t that the whole fucking point of it all?

nobody starts a band thinking, ‘i hope no one ever listens to this. i hope i’ll always play shows for the same 5 friends of mine for the rest of my musical life!’

it’s one thing, of course, to play music for the sole purpose of getting rich. but getting popular, ‘making it big’ as they say in the biz (they do say that in the biz, right?) is a GOOD THING.

get the fuck over yourself and be happy for your obscure band for finally having a fan base.

that pisses me off, too… the assholes that really really love a band, then stop listening to them and start talking shit when they get popular. they’re still the same fucking band! no one else is allowed to enjoy them, because you did first??

i don’t get it!!!!

loosen up your skinny jeans, polish your black-rimmed glasses, unbutton your flannel and CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

movie snobs are just as bad.

sure, i like your artsy-fartsy, noir bullshit sometimes.. but don’t fucking judge me for enjoying dirty dancing: havana nights!

diego luna is adorable, and it’s a fun movie. leave me alone!

you don’t always have to like the obscure to be cool. sometimes, a lot of people like cool things. and that’s okay.

everybody loves will smith, but that doesn’t make him any less cool!

everybody loved the beatles, and they just progressively got cooler and cooler.

and everybody loves raymond, too!

i’ll give you a little credit, snobs. there are some things that are popular that really are dumb as shit. examples:

dancing with the stars.

nutty professor movies.

ke$ha (i felt like a jack-ass just typing that stupid fucking dollar sign).

justin bieber.

capitalism.

but not EVERYTHING that is well-loved is bad or uncool. examples:

puppies.

ice cream.

christmas.

the color red.

…did i mention will smith?

arrogance is a big turn-off for me, in general. people who think they’re better than everyone else are usually the scum of the fucking earth (and, on occasion, the worst scum of the universe).
but people who think they’re cooler than everyone else REALLY annoy the fuck out of me.

first of all… who the fuck cares if you’re cool? are we still in fucking high school?
come to think of it, i didn’t care if i was cool when i was in high school, either so.. so yeah!

and second.. being uncool is cool, anyway.

jeans that are soft and worn out and a little baggy because they’ve been loved – cool.

skinny jeans that are so tight we can make out the outline of your dick – uncool.

jeans with ripped knees from years of wear-and-tear – cool.

jeans that you bought, pre-ripped – uncool.

female hair that looks better than mine – bitches.

male hair that looks better than mine – uncool.

my grandmother’s old sunglasses – cool.

old lady glasses that you paid $200 for – uncool.

promoting your favorite artists to help them get popular – cool.

calling someone a sell-out because they have more than 20 fans – uncool.

not eating meat because you don’t like eating meat – cool.

becoming vegan because this bitch you want to fuck is – uncool.

being vegan, and having omnivorous friends – cool.

being vegan, and preaching about the horrors of meat while i’m trying to enjoy a hamburger – uncool.

sitting on a birthday cake in a bikini – cool.

flashing your boobs for beads – uncool.

donating a dollar (or more!! :D) to an awesome and talented guy – very, very cool.

not donating anything – extremely uncool.

i mean.. i really really, REALLY want to sit on a birthday cake in a bikini. i’ll probably still do it, regardless.. but i’d love to record it and share it with the world.

and more so – being most sincere and serious – i want to help my bestie do this very awesome thing. so i’m not going to shut up about it for the next 20 days or so.

and i’m sure you know, by now, how obnoxious i can get.

so if you want to keep me from getting ridiculously, wanting to strangle me, pulling out your hair obnoxious… just pledge a dollar. share the link with your friends. share it with strangers. spam popular pages with it on facebook. you get the idea.

and if you do any of that, you will forever be cool as FUCK!