did that subject intrigue you?
i’m doing that. you can see it, if you donate at least $1, HERE.
anyway… i’d like to talk to you about something very important.
a subject that i feel very strongly about.
i’m being totally sincere.
what…thefuck…happened to lindsay lohan?!?@!
once upon a time, there was an adorable, freckled, red-headed sweetheart.
she stole our hearts, playing twins in a remake of the parent trap. remember that?
remember adorable lindsay lohan with her adorable 11 year old british accent?
we were all like ‘what an adorable little freckly ginger! she’s going places!’
and then there was another little remake called freaky friday.
all of the sudden, we were like ‘damn, that adorable, freckly red-head is getting some curves!’
not to mention the fact that freaky friday (fuck you, if you don’t agree) was a great movie. it was funny, it makes me cry at the end, when jamie lee curtis gives that toast.. yeah. lindsay lohan’s future was looking bright and promising!
and then… mean girls.
first of all.. what a fucking great movie.
second of all… what a fucking hot lindsay lohan.
in my opinion (which you can pretty much just take as fact, anyway), this was ms. lohan’s peak. she looked fanfuckingtastic in mean girls.
and she acted well.
…now i really want to watch mean girls…
anyway… what the fuck happened, after mean girls, that threw lindsay into this awful downward spiral?
no, fuck it. she’s not spiraling downward.
she pretty much just plunged straight down.
all of the sudden, she’s doing the shittiest movies (did you SEE i know who killed me?? yeah.. i did. because it was lindsay lohan. i wasn’t aware, at the time, that the fall had already begun. WORST. FUCKING. MOVIE.)
and then… she starts looking like a 200 year old woman. all frail and bone-thin and i’m pretty sure i’ve seen a few age spots.
…i just had a revelation, in thinking about how to describe what lindsay lohan looks like now.
i think… i think lindsay lohan found the One Ring.
maybe she found it on the set of i know who killed me.
because she is not a hobbit, of course the power of the Ring destroyed her.
she slowly morphed into gollum.
lindsay lohan is gollum.
and as long as she holds onto her precious, we should be expecting her to lose all humanity, begin having arguments with herself, referring to herself in the third person, and – of course – eating fish straight out of the river.
and elijah, if you need some help.. i’ll help.
because one does not simply steal the Ring from lindsay gollumhan.
once we get it, and destroy it, i can have my curvy, sexy, talented lindsay back.
until then, lindsay.. YOU SHALL NOT ACT. FUCK!